Just Saved By Love

What is a Box of Love & Why are we sending them?

What is a Box of Love?

A Box of Love is just that! With each box that is sent, there is also a small reminder of how we are not alone. In a time we feel that nothing will be the same without our babe, we try to send a little love knowing we will see them again one day. Each box is created with a few items to help while you start your grieving process. When you feel like you have nothing left to carry on with, we hope you know you have an army of mommas by your side.

Why we send them -

After 43 hours of labor, laughter, tears, & love, our beautiful Jaxx entered into this world on December 29th, 2021 - 3:20am.

He was born silent into this world, but his little life spoke volumes & to think, the first thing he saw when his little eyes opened was the face of Jesus.

A little backstory on him just because God is to big not to share. His Father & I both agreed on Jaxx Bentley as soon as we knew he was a boy. A few months into my pregnancy I kept having a dream over & over & over of me being in a car wreck & a man coming up to the window to tell me that Peter was going to be okay. I was confused because I didn’t know who Peter was, & I asked him again & again who Peter was. All he said was “your baby.” I told him that wasn’t my baby, & he would always respond with, “because Peters name is actually Simon.” After weeks of the same dream over & over, I finally put a fleece up to God, which was my mistake. Not that I didn’t trust him, but I wanted to make sure it really was God. The Sunday after I put God on the spot, our church service was about Simon Peter walking on water & how he questioned God about it. The message was about not questioning God when he shows you something the first time, but if you do question him you know he’s going to show you the right way. After looking into Simon a little bit more, it spiritually translates to : That hears, that obeys. What a punch in the stomach, uh? After a little more digging, Jaxx translates to : God has been gracious; has shown favor. Another punch, because we had chosen that not knowing the meaning behind it.

That following sunday was inevitably the last service Jaxx would be at along with my grandmother. Leaving church that evening my mammaw had a stroke on the way home and was sent to the hospital where she eventually would end up losing her battle to brain cancer.

December 25th was the last phone call I had with her at 3:20pm.

December 26th we went to the hospital to visit with Mammaw. While we were there we went to check out labor and delivery since Jaxx was due any day now and we hadn’t decided which hospital to deliver at. While there we met a nurse who showed us around and I was able to tell her about mammaw and her being on the opposite wing of the L&D floor wondering if mammaw was still in the hospital when I had Jaxx if I could take him to see her.

December 27th I went in for my 38w checkup in hopes they would tell me it’s time and we would get this process started to get my baby here. I’ve learned be careful what you wish for, because it was time - but the wrong time.

“There is no heartbeat.”

4 words that have played in my head for the last 2 years. 4 words that only happen in stories and movies, not real life. But this was real life, my life.

For the next 3 days we waited -

Checks after checks to make sure they didn’t make a mistake. Sonograms over and over waiting for movement. Enough tears to drown in. But still, nothing.

The same nurse we spoke to the day before was the same nurse who checked us in that morning. The same nurse who knocked on the door and told us we had a visitor - my mammaw. My mammaw became alert enough to come visit us, talk to us, laugh with us, and pray with us. After she left our room she went back into a-fib and un alert again.

December 29th, 3:13am - It’s time. The room was filled with nurses, doctors, family, and love. For 7 minutes it was silent - in my head anyway. I don’t remember much of the delivery, and I’m not sure that I’d want to. But one thing I do remember is our delivery doctor saying

“Time of death - 3:20”

As they proceed to lay my lifeless, 5lbs 9oz baby on me that felt like a pile a bricks and nothing all at the same time. We did it my angel, you’re here.

For the next two days we welcomed family and friends to come meet our angel. We were one of the first families in our area to use the CuddleCot. A CuddleCot cooling cot is a small, portable, lightweight unit that enables families experiencing the loss of their baby at any age or gestation to spend more time with them and enables more time to create memories.

December 31st we said our see you laters to our boy one last time while we made his arrangements for his funeral in the following days.

January 2nd, 2023 my mammaw was able to meet my baby outside the pearly gates were I have no doubt they entered into heaven together, happily.

January 4th, 2023 my Jaxx baby got his forever resting place. He will always be at the feet of Jesus, now and forever.

January 6th, 2023 my mammaw was laid to rest also to have peace now and forever.

This was the hardest hit my family has ever, and will hopefully never have to endure again.

To say Jaxx saved me would be an understatement, but also the Grace Of God.

My hope is that our small gesture of love to other mothers who unfortunately are letting Jesus hold and rock their babies until we can get there will be just enough to let them know someone hears them when they have no words left to speak. When you’ve cried all you can cry, someone is there to wipe your tears. When you think you can’t go anymore, go one day at a time. To let them know that their babies are okay, in fact their babies are -

Just Saved By Love. Gods Love.